Hey I'm Alex
I'm a hot guy trapped in a little boy's body
my teacher showed us this in class to teach us about phoneme substitution and then laughed for 25 minutes
- Man: Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time.
- Lady: You foul-mouthed swine! In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public.
- Man: Hey, coola down lady. Who talkin abouta sexa? I’ma justa tellun my frienda how to spella Mississippi.
how come it’s cool for snakes to spit venom and unhinge their jaw to swallow people whole, but when i do it, i’m the “antichrist” and i need an “exorcism”?
If I ever get married, our vows better be based on the Team Rocket motto.
I vow to protect you from devastation.
To unite our privates and feel sensation.
To pronounce you as my one true love,
and see the glitter of your eyes in the stars above.
Team Rocket, married, committed for life!
Pronounce us now, as husband and wife!
This is the best thing I’ve seen on Tumblr today.
it’s weird how yogurt is almost exclusively advertised to women
let the men develop weak bones
not all men